u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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