We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
