I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
