Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
