Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
