life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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