He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
