Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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