Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
