The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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