What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
