You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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