Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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