I'm gonna have a badass scar
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
