the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
