your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
