You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
