Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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