you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
