Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
