how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
