i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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