I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
