We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
