suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
