Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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