Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
