there's paper in my vomit.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Randomize
