It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
