so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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