I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i wish my penis had a tongue
and i looked up. we had an audience...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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