In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
