I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
