she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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