So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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