Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
