I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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