My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
