At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
