Someone shit on the floor
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
