dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
