So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
