singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
