i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
