Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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