Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
