Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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