i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
