he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
