I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
