I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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